#Should I stay or should I go?#

9 May

*edit to previous post, but was longer then expected*

If there is a reason to stay, maybe even more then for my friends, its for MillionsKnives. I just couldnt bare to have his name wiped from the face of Vanadiel, for him to never be seen again, for people to forget the name ‘MillionsKnives’. Weird how the game attaches us to our characters so much, or is that just me?

I have deep feelings for Mill as if he were my brother. Seeing him grow and deciding the path he’ll take in life, getting better at his job, gaining new sheek gear, slowly maturing and occasionally saving the world :P makes me care for him. It makes Mill real to me. When I look at pictures of him I smile with pride thinking about all we’ve been through. The tall elvaan who with his white hair in a pony tail is the only person in Vana’diel for me.

Other people seem to be much less attached, but I wonder what they really feel for their character. Spen says his character looks boring (which is true) and wishes he could pick another. Gary quit his old level 75 Pld to level a Taru Blm. I just cant see how they can think and do things like that.

When I log on as Chibimoon (my sisters old character) I feel sad, all the things Chibi has done and the memories made with her, lost. She was Chibimoon’s first companion in Vanadiel and now shes resigned to be a mule. A year ago when Chibimoon made Datsuki we talked about how Id quickly PL her to 60 (my level at the time) and then the world would be our oyster. We’d farm together, camp NMs, party, do missions and quests. That really was a key element in keeping my playing at the time, I was looking forward to it, as its a bitch to do these things normally. However despite my nagging Chibimoon never got off her ass and levelled up. Now looking at my feelings for Mill I can see why Chibimoon never really got back into the game when she made Datsuki. Me and Chibimoon should have both started over together when she got a separate account. Didnt seem like a great idea at the time though.

That really was a key reason why I played FFXI, for what me and Chibimoon could do. But it never happened like I said, since then I’ve been playing for the sake of it, out of habbit or to take my mind off things. Which maybe altered my perspective of the game, taking away some of its magic for me. Now game issues and keeping myself entertained come to the forefront. I guess that happens when you’ve got to level 75 and been playing for a while anyway.

The game is broken, its no secret XD. So many things wrong that frustrate me and ruin the experience. SE is a distant figure who just take our money and run. Not to mention that anything in-game takes twice as long to do as it should do. I’ve been playing FFXI less and less in the past few months, but still played it allot. Its only been 9 days since I cancelled my account and I’m amazed what life is like without it. Only 9 days and theres such a noticeable difference. So much free time!

I do crazy things like go outside and see my friends! I even really wanna go on a bikeride o.O

Before I got the game just over two years ago I knew that every night after school Spen & Wes would be coming round to my house at 6pm or Id be round at theirs. Thats how life was and I liked it. FFXI butted in tho and for the past two years it seems like I hardly see anyone. Admittedly my own doing but doesn’t help three people I know play it!. Things change etc though dont they. I dont think me and Spen would willingly be around each other that much any more, but recently I’ve seen allot of Wesley, Lee, Ben and Hustwick and I really like it. Feels like old times kinda.

Im sick of people playing computer games. I ask spen to come out and he’ll be on FFXI or SSBB, who needs to leave the house to see people when you can talk to them over the net? In contrast Trebor is willing to come round to my house at 10pm to see me and socialise face to face! Theyre diffo people and I have different relationships with them, but the latter is how things should be! It actually shocked me that Trebor would come out at that time, which is kinda sad when I’m 18! lol. I guess everyone’s different and maybe the people I tend to swing towards are either lazy or just dont care for me as much, but I feel a major element is Trebor isnt bound by shitty games. He makes the most of life xD We could die tomorrow, we should be making the most of the people we know rather then the pixels we know.

I want my life to be back like it was xD knowing when I get home from college l’ll be seeing a friend at 6pm. Maybe I’m just stuck in the mentality of a child, but that seems how things should be. I’ve just got swept up in MMORPG addiction.

I don’t think I could ever play another MMORPG, FFXI is my one shot at the genre, and I’ve enjoyed/enjoy FFXI allot. I wouldnt play another one like WoW because I love FFXI. Id never settle into a new game, I’d always be comparing my character to Mill. Also, when FFXI does end for me, I want to be free of online games forever. I wont fall into the trap again…

Maybe now is the time for it to end. I fly off to university in 4ish months which is kinda deadline for FFXI to end anyway, but I dont want to waste away this summer on a game.

The word ‘maybe’ was used. Not making any sweeping statements, because maybe I do need FFXI to kill time occasionally, plus I often enjoy the game. Tbh I’m not sure I have enough friends to entertain me constantly now, lots are at Uni, a few have 24/7 jobs or I’m just not close enough to them any more.

FFXI is a part of me and my life. However it has somewhat trampled on my life to get its place. >_>’;


The reasons Id stay are; to talk to friends I couldn’t see off the game and because I’d hate to see my two years of hard work spent on Mill be hammered into oblivion by a delete key. Are those two reasons really valid enough to stay? No. At least the second isn’t, despite being so important to me, the longer I stay the more time that’s up against the Delete Key.

Barthezz is the future Mill. He’s really put things into perspective. 427 days playtime on Barthezz to my 135 days on Millions. Much like Chibimoon and Barthezz, Mill will one day become some ones mule. Memories stored in the character gone to waste. Is it a waste? Its ok if it was fun while it lasted? Should stop before my playtime reaches 400+ days? Only to then give those days away.

135 days, I could be fluent in Japanese by now had I spent that time on a language class. But I guess that wouldn’t be entertaining would it?

I’m really confused right now >_< which is insane because this is just a game! :( Everything points to my time in FFXI should come to an end and its not making me smile inside. It’s sad I can have this much of a debate over a game~ people may think ‘Oh just play less you fool!’ but I’m not really sure I could, because to do what I do in FFXI to have fun at least three nights a week are needed. Three full nights, not just a few hours here and there. Also I’m probably not strong enough to resist its lure if I have an active account, rather then try and do things I know l’ll just end up loggin on ffxi…

Cant stop thinking of this pic for some reason, maybe because its the first pic I have of barthezz not being barthezz:

arg. D: *emo wrists* lol


One Response to “#Should I stay or should I go?#”

  1. millionsknives May 19, 2008 at 12:05 am #

    Thanks all for the comments, they’ve been really helpful in deciding what to do.

    For now, I’m not quitting. I still dont really plan to play much which isnt a bad thing. For now CoP/Static will be all l’ll log onto FFXI for. If I static it wont be for more then 1 or 2 times a week too. 8 hours a week is what i want to be spending maximum on FFXI. l’ll time that too!

    Ive got things in perspective I think (also i got all the sims 2, entertaining!) and I just played too much. Like Chibimoon says, theres nothing to gain for killing mill atm, I just need to balance things out.

    One thing Ive always thought came to mind in a convo with gary a lil while ago; ‘I wont quit ffxi till i finish CoP. It would be silly to play for 2 years without getting through the games story!’ – which is true.

    Whats helpful is that Lee is playing FFXI less, our group seems to get together more which is motivating me to get off my comp.

    @ Katella: Woah what?! Howd I miss the post where you said you quit ffxi!? I thought Rappelz was just a side quest hahah. Its unfortunate you had to quit FFXI for the reasons you did but in time maybe you’ll see where FFXI falls short to Rappelz.

    ty for the posts!

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